One thing you’ve been itching to scratch off your Bucket List is to be put over a stern lady’s lap and be given a stern, sound spanking. How do you go about it? Ms. Harriet Marwood, a very experienced disciplinarian has kindly written this article as a guide:
ADVICE TO THE NOVICE: FINDING THE RIGHT SPANKER FOR YOU
So… You’ve been obsessing about getting a spanking since you were five years old. Why, you wondered, did it seem so exciting when one of the mainstream movies you watched as a child had a spanking sequence in it? And why did you find yourself thinking about it for days?
You got a little older and maybe you got daring enough to encourage your cousin to play spanking games when she came over? Or perhaps you saw your buddy’s mom pull his pants down and jerk him over her knee and give him a good sound spanking for leaving his bike in the driveway… and, for some reason, it really stuck with you. For years!
Or… Maybe you never thought about spanking as a child and now you find yourself with an irresistible curiosity about it and frequent the many websites, like this one, that depict various scenarios, wishing that you were the one in the pictures.
Bottom line: you really, really want to find out what it feels like to get a proper dose of old-fashioned discipline but you don’t know where to begin to find someone who can understand exactly what you want, need or imagine. What next? Well, having been tanning bare bottoms professionally for over fifteen years, I will offer some advice to help you think of what you might want to look for, and how to do the best you can to make sure you are safe in the process.
Thank God for the Internet.
I can’t foresee what you will find when you step out and start your search. There are literally thousands of websites and many, many ladies out there who profess knowledge of domestic discipline. I can, however, share with you the dozens of reports I’ve listened to from my clients over the years. From what I’ve been told, unless you’re very, very lucky, you will probably encounter a lot of women who are not inclined to make a real connection with you on the phone. They want to get to the bottom line and nail down that appointment or brush you off. Don’t jump to conclusions if this happens. Some of these people are purely in it for the money – and that is their prerogative – but many have had years of dealing with a certain segment of the population I like to call “men”. And although you are probably a very well meaning sincere (and possibly male) person who just wants to find a satisfying and safe experience, there are a lot of guys out there who give the rest of you nice people a bad name. Suffice it to say that all of us as spanking providers have to deal with more than our share of wankers. Guys who entertain themselves by chatting up pro-Dommes for their own amusement, never intending to become a client. Once you’ve had your time wasted a few hundred times you become a lot less gracious! So first suggestion to you is:
Don’t start contacting the people you think you’d really like to see until you’re ready to take action.
Do your exploring on one or two of the many social networking sites where you talk with others in your position — others who may even be in your area and can comment on some of the ladies in that locale.
If you find someone of quality and you manage to engage them in a 20 or 30 minute consultation, that you do not have to pay for, and you don’t then put your money where your mouth is, you may find that person a little less open to your calls when/if you do get around making your move. And, actually, anyone who is generous enough to chat with you for 20 or 30 minutes (as I do with all people, initially) is someone you should want to do business with. Someone who gives you’re their time before they have made a dime off you deserves your respect and appreciation. That is the second suggestion.
Find someone who is willing to treat you like a person.
If she will listen to your interests and is willing to answer your questions about the session and respects your concerns, she will most likely take care of you when you end up over her lap. Providers such as this can often be more difficult to see. They are often selective, which is why they take the time to get to know you first, and their schedules may be quite booked up, so you might not be able to rush over the minute you call, or even the same day. I, myself, require that people expect to wait a day or two, at least, before they can get on my calendar. I only allow 3 or 4 people a week to visit me, and I also prefer the kind of people who can schedule and plan, rather than those who are wanting to scratch an impulsive itch of the moment. Moreover, don’t be surprised if you are asked to fork over a deposit to make the booking. Not everyone will ask for this, but most reputable professionals have busy lives and will not risk having their time wasted, given what they know about the whims of “boys”.
As far as what you should look for in a spanker… do your homework. Find a lady (or several possible ladies) who have good reputations. This doesn’t mean they are necessarily well known. This just means that you have been to some chat rooms like maxfisch.com or SomeonesGonnaGetit.wordpress.com (Andy’s site is great, that’s why I’m writing this article for him) where you have posted questions and gotten some good recommendations. Another good sign is that she has a website that clearly explains what she offers (and what she does NOT offer) in a welcoming and well-considered manner. You can usually get a sense of a spanker by how she presents herself. If you find some intriguing websites, look them over a few times and take your choices seriously. You’ll likely be spending a sizeable chunk of change (anyone of quality won’t be cheap. If they are you might ask yourself why?) so think and feel carefully before you start calling around.
Once you’ve narrowed it down to 2 or 3 providers (if there are even that many in your area) be respectful of her time when you call and come prepared with a clear list of your needs and concerns. Do not start by telling her your life story about the every thought you ever had about spanking since you were ten years old. If you meet a caring, qualified provider, you will probably get to chat with her before or after your spanking. Save your personal sagas for social time. Rambling on about things is likely to make a professional doubt your real intentions. She may write you off as a wanker. Don’t be a wanker!
Okay, your courage is up, you’ve found your lady and you are nervous while on the phone. Understandable.
Here are some things you may want to ask:
How long does a session usually last?
How do I know you won’t give me a harder spanking than I can handle?
Do I get to request the type of spanking I’d like to experience or must I simply accept whatever you decide to do?
What is your policy about using a safe word?
Will we be alone in your space?
What about noise? Do I have to worry in case I become very vocal when I’m taking my whacks?
Is there a certain way you structure your spankings or will we decide together how it will go and what implements will be used?
Can I get a realistic spanking without leaving with marks and bruises?
What do I wear? What will you be wearing?
What are your fees?
How far in advance do I need contact you to reserve your time?
How do you preserve your clients’ discretion? I want to protect my privacy.
I don’t want to be treated harshly. Can you scold me in a caring manner rather than a critical manner? (Or vice versa.)
Can I ask that after I take my comeuppance, you take a few moments to reassure me, for example, that I’ve taken what I deserved and now the slate is clean and all is well?
One more important thing: Most spanking providers do not allow any kind sexual activity, but I imagine there may be some who do. You should be prepared however – especially if you have become accustomed to the Fetish Dommes who often do allow this – to probably be told you may not have a release during your session. It may be a question you want to ask up front if this is something that’s important to you to include. In conclusion, make sure that — whatever you need to know to feel safe and sure that you’ve been understood and the kind of experience you want seems likely to happen – ask these questions and mentions your concerns. You don’t want yourself distracted with worries or concerns once you’ve found yourself bent over a stool or a desk with a very stern lady wielding a paddle over you! All I can say to reassure you at this point is that if someone has attentively listened to you and reflected to you that she gets what you want and need, the odds are good she cares and you’ll have some fun together.
If you take your shot with someone who is not as attentive but, perhaps, is easier to get to meet with and/or and has a considerably lower fee, it’s highly likely you will leave disappointed. I have heard this report time and time again. People I’ve spoken with have opted to go elsewhere for financial reasons (or sometimes because they don’t want to go through my screening process), and maybe others, and then end up on my doorstep confessing that they wasted their time and money trying to save a buck. Remember, this is not just your time and money. You also want to know you’re dealing with someone who will respect you and protect your privacy and your safety and deliver the session you crave.
YOU’VE CHOSEN A SPANKER. NOW WHAT?
You’ve done your due diligence. You have a good feeling about this lady you’ve talked to and you’ve set an appointment. What should you know about meeting your first professional disciplinarian? First of all, nerves are good! You’ll probably be nervous, but that is truly part of the fun. Once you have played with this lady (and, if you’ve done your homework it will probably go well) you will know each other much better. It will be clear that you were safe the whole time and this person cared about you. Before you enter into the scene you will never be 100% certain what will befall you (even though you should be perfectly safe). The good thing about that is the extra excitement it brings to experience. So enjoy your first time nerves. Let the uncertainties they may engender enhance and heighten the reality.
If your spanker lives in a doorman apartment, get over your self-consciousness BEFORE you arrive. Be respectful of HER privacy by not walking up to the front desk with your eyes darting around as if you’re coming there to commit a crime. Your knees may be knocking underneath your trousers but kindly appear to be relaxed and casual.
Usually you will be expected to present your lady with her fee (or the remaining balance, if you’ve had to send a deposit) when you enter. I like to have my boys incorporate this into the roleplay so we stay in character, e.g., If I’m playing the stepmother, he might hand me an envelop with the fee and tell me he’s brought in the mail.
If you are doing a roleplay, it’s much easier on your disciplinarian if you can interact a little, or a lot. Some people are awkward about this and don’t talk much. If this is your personality, try to offer a reaction or response every now and then that lets her know that everything’s okay. And if you find you can handle a harsher spanking than you’re getting, the best way to let her know is to get sassy and give her some backtalk. If the spanking seems too much for you, I suggest you get very apologetic. Maybe suggest something like “My teacher makes me stand the corner when I’m bad. Can I stand in the corner for 5 minutes? I promise I’ll take my spanking like a good boy after that.” And if you feel you’ve taken all that really wish to take, you are perfectly within your rights to break character, thank her for an enlightening experience, and tell her you’ve gotten what you need to get out of it and are ready to wrap it up. You’ve engaged her time and she’s committed it to you, not someone else, so you won’t be getting any of your money back, but you are free call it quits if and when you need to.
Some ladies will invite you in and chat with you about what you will do in your session. Maybe they feel it relaxes people and lets them know they’re safe. Other people, myself included, will expect you to be ready step into your roleplay the second you step in the door. I prefer this way because, to me, the other way makes the whole thing seem fake and cheesy – to have to switch from my nice, friendly, normal self into another persona before the client’s very eyes clearly makes the statement “This is not really happening.” It takes the excitement out of it. If you agree with my perception, you may want to add this to your list of questions before you come and find out what to expect.
WHAT MAKES A GOOD CLIENT?
If you plan to be engaging in spanking sessions on an ongoing basis, you want your disciplinarian to think well of you. Maybe you’re the type who seeks the security of getting to know your spanker and developing that familiarity together that allows you to know what to expect – the certainty of being assured someone knows exactly how to work with you to full effect. But you may be the type who will want to experience many different people’s styles. Even if you are, you may find you want to return to someone you’ve already seen and want to leave an impression that encourages her to welcome you back. Also, many Dommes network with others in their field, and you can be sure that these ladies talk. And while none of the well-established ladies would ever reveal the identities of their clients, they may well contact each other, if they feel concerned about someone, to see if they’ve encountered him (a common way to identify you is via your email address, so you may want to create a special account that doesn’t include your name) and whether he is respectful and safe. So you can burn bridges by being a jerk. We deal with a lot of nonsense in the course trying to find good clients and when we get a clunker we have very long memories! So when you find a good spanking provider treat her well.
Just a note, before I forget, I do not take someone on as a client until he lets me know his real name. Not everyone will demand this; most people of quality are likely to. No one can get into my building to see me without knowing my name, and I expect to know who it is I allow into my home. This is something you need to be prepared to encounter. If you do your due diligence you will end up with someone you can trust with this information. And if you feel this is not the case, you should not be going to see her.
Be respectful of your spanker’s living space. First of all, you are in a lady’s home. If you use the bathroom, put the seat down when you’re done! As I said before, when you’re in the common areas of an apartment setting, behave discreetly. You don’t know anybody here but your spanker has to live there after you leave. When I sit and visit for a bit with clients in the living room after my sessions, they have all been informed to speak quietly because the living room is the one place where people in the hallway can easily hear voices from inside the apartment. Be aware of things like this. If you aren’t sure, ask.
In general, to me a good client is someone who respects my procedures, doesn’t waste my time with nonsense, shows up reliably, communicates to me clearly how I can create a great experience for him – without trying to micromanage it by topping from the bottom, and then is respectful of my space, my time, and my sensibilities once they’re in my home.
That being said, I do have a number of favorites. They became so because they make extra effort to show their appreciation… Christmas and birthday gifts, a little gratuity now and then. Giving me something I’ve mentioned that I want or need on occasion. If you want to do this, find out what your Domme wants/likes. For example, I get invitations to be taken out to dinner all the time. In a lot of cases, it is clear to me that this is meant to benefit the asker more than it does me. Maybe they’re in town for the evening and have time to kill and hope I will keep them company. There’s not thing wrong with wanting that, it’s just not a perk for me. I just don’t have the free time. Additionally, I watch my weight strictly, so a dinner invitation is just an offer to ensure I have to put in an extra hour on the treadmill the next day! No thank you. But that’s just me. I mention this because what you think is offering something nice or fun may not be of benefit to that person; so before you offer what you like, find out what is a treat for her.
If gift giving is your thing, well, women love to get presents… though we do not expect them. Don’t know what she likes? A nice gift card from Bloomingdale’s or Amazon.com can solve this dilemma. Not all clients are in the fortunate position to give gifts. Simply telling her that you always have the very best kind of experience when sessioning with her goes a long way to endear you to her, too!
The long and the short it all is this: if you think you are a true spanko and feeling your backside burn with a red rosy glow every once in awhile is really in your blood, you owe it to yourself to do your research and find the right lady for you. You may have to spend a little more than you imagined, but in an industry that is purely people oriented like this, you usually do get what you pay for. Be respectful of a lady’s time if she gives it you in a phone interview and if you think she’s not for you, thank her once you realize this and let her get on with her life. Behave in a mature, respectful manner on the phone and when you meet. Respect her procedures and her personal space. When you go there, act like you’d want anyone to act when in your own home. Show your appreciation if you’ve been treated well. It’s really just common sense. Do your homework, treat people as you wish to be treated, ask politely for what you want, and remember that, if you do your preparations properly and conduct yourself like a gentleman, you’re likely to find the right person for you, and you will prove yourself to be someone any lady would welcome any time you wish to visit.