Dear Ms. Marwood

Like the old Dear Abbey this your chance to ask, comment, tell a spanking story to a real life disciplinarian Ms. Marwood. Let’s see if this picks up steam. Send your questions to me: or leave them in a comment here. Put Dear Ms. Marwood in the subject line.

I want to hear from you.

I want to hear from you.

Hi Andy,

I really enjoy your blog and visit it every single day without fail.  Thank you for what you do.

My question for Ms. Marwood is … How often do you spank/paddle/cane a sub (male or female) to actual tears and what is the key to obtaining tears during corporal punishment?



Dear Mike,

That is a great question.  I frequently hear first time clients tell me during the  intake phone interview that they want to be “spanked to tears”.  Apparently, quite a few people desire – or at least fantasized about – that experience.  However, I have almost never seen it happen with casual clients.  It has occurred with a few regular clients, but even with them, it’s not a frequent occurrence. 

It’s rare that people — and especially people of the male persuasion — can allow themselves to be relaxed and vulnerable enough to go to the emotional place required for real tears to bubble up.  If you think back to your first spanking session you might remember being a bit nervous. Maybe not, but most people are.  Even if I were to thrash such a person as hard as I safely could his mind is, at least partially, busy with thoughts like “How far is woman going to take this?” … ‘Am I safe?”  or “What the hell was I thinking… turning my bare ass over to a total stranger?!” 

For someone to allow himself to release his defenses and break down into tears takes more than imagination and fantasy.  In my experience, for a grown man to reach that vulnerability and relaxation takes establishing a mutually caring relationship and familiarity.  When clients have become regular guests in my home and we play together and, perhaps, chat a bit afterward a number of times this becomes a safe space where everyone can just be themselves.  None the original questions or concerns are present anymore. That’s the kind of environment where a spanko can let it all hang out. He can feel the sting of the paddles, straps, canes or whatever and let them go deeper and deeper.  It doesn’t always lead to tears but it can. Crying is an intimate act and it’s much harder to do in the presence of a stranger than someone you’ve come to like and trust.  



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5 Responses to Dear Ms. Marwood

  1. KLF says:

    Dear Harriet,
    We have spoken a couple times over emails. I’m just curious about finding the right person to give me what I really need and deserve without abusing me.. Can you give me some advice about how to find what I need.. I’ve tried but most people won’t chat with you unless you pay up front.
    I could really use some help.
    Thank You

  2. Dear KLF,
    If you put your request in a form of a question to the column and send it to Andy I will be happy to answer your question. Everyone with Q’s should rec’v equal time and I am not always checking on this page. If I start answering in the comment section when I am, many Q’s may go neglected when I’m not, and that’s not fair to everyone.
    Bottoms up!

  3. Patricia says:

    I have a question for Ms Marwood using post orgasm spanking. Specifically
    I am very interested in learning whether post orgasm spanking really works as behavior modification. I have been spanking my husband (Jim) for almost three years. The spankings do have an effect on him and I am spanking him hard enough (Lexan paddle). But I find myself spanking him often over and over again for similar misbehavior. Maybe this is part of Domestic discipline and I should be happy with the progress made. But I would like to move on to a higher behavior standard for him as well as decrease the number of times I spank him ( now about twice a month for punishment)I have been reading about post orgasm spanking on several blogs and am ready to try it. So I would really appreciate honest opinions especially from other women about using it. Thanks

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