Since the attempt at the “newspaper” fell short but the demand to chat with Ms. Marwood was high, we decided to reprint the advice in an easier to read format. Send in your comments and questions.
Dear Miss Marwood,
I’ve been visiting the same Domme for many years.
So I suppose I continue to do so out of a sense of loyalty.
Here’s the problem. Having been in the scene for many decades,
I know what I need from a session. Often, I just don’t need to just
get spanked. I feel the need to be punished. I need to NOT enjoy it.
Despite my requests and her promises to do so.
She won’t go there with me. I know I should probably
look elsewhere, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings and I do
see it as a betrayal. Any thoughts or suggestions?
Firstly, I applaud your loyalty and good intentions. You
are someone I would consider a wonderful client.
When we develop a long-term spanking relationship, either as
the client or as the Disciplinarian, things become personal. We
invest our trust and our feelings, just as in any friendship or
colleagial association. I imagine, if you’ve been seeing this one person
for quite some time you care about her, and vice versa. I find it surprising,
since you seem so well acquainted, that this lady doesn’t understand
what you’ve requested of her. Is it possible that giving a good,
sound thrashing is just not something she feels comfortable doing?
Every individual has his/her own sensibilities, and even spankers have
their boundaries and limits. Sometimes talking just isn’t enough.
Maybe this woman is concerned that she might do harm to you if she goes
beyond what she is normally accustomed to delivering to a naughty bottom.
If this is the case, one thing you could try is to do a session in which you set any
role play aside and proceed with the spanking with the agreement that either of you
can make requests or offer feedback as you go. This way, if the lady reaches a point
wherein she feels too concerned to escalate further, she can check in with you from
time to time as you both try to “up the ante”. In this manner, you could reassure her
that you are handling the whacking just fine and are even craving more intensity.
(You could even egg her on with some uppity quips, so she can see you’re still having fun.)
For some people, once their questions about really hurting someone (not in a “fun” way) can
be dispelled, they can relax and concentrate on pushing the limits without
any underlying worry or fear. If you were to try this sort of thing, generally, each of you
would emerge with a new understanding of how far you can go.
If you’ve already tried something like this and she still is not able to give you
what you need, perhaps you don’t have to abandon this relationship entirely. You could just
look for another disciplinarian who is skilled and comfortable with heavy corporal sessions…
and let me stress the skilled part! If you’re going to offer yourself up for an intense beating,
you need to be sure that the provider knows what she’s doing… and cares. Then, when you
want more of a recreational kind of spanking with lots of good scolding and paddling,
strapping and the like, you can see your current disciplinarian. But when you need
something more punishing, you can visit someone else. If this is not okay with your current
spanker then you shouldn’t be critical of yourself for looking for a new relationship completely.
Once you have made an effort to communicate your needs and have given ample opportunities
for your spanker to try to meet them, if she is not able to do so, you have every right to look
for someone who can.
I have a question for Ms Marwood using post orgasm
spanking. Specifically I am very interested in learning
whether post orgasm spanking really works as
behavior modification. I have been spanking my
husband (Jim) for almost three years. The spankings
do have an effect on him and I am spanking him hard
enough (Lexan paddle). But I find myself spanking
him often over and over again for similar
misbehavior. Maybe this is part of Domestic
discipline and I should be happy with the progress
made. But I would like to move on to a higher
behavior standard for him as well as decrease the
number of times I spank him ( now about twice a
month for punishment)I have been reading about
post orgasm spanking on several blogs and am ready
to try it. So I would really appreciate honest opinions
especially from other women about using it. Thanks
Post-orgasm spanking is no myth!
I have several Life Coaching clients whom I spank quite
intensely when they fail to meet their goals. These people
require heavy discipline. Heavier than most enthusiastic
spankos would consider recreational. If they repeat the
same infraction, the punishment must be harsher each
time. As you’ve noticed with your husband, at a certain
point the affects of the usual heavy discipline issued
recurrently have diminishing returns. At that point I will
employ the post-orgasm spanking. It never fails to be a
startling wake-up call!
Unless we are dealing with masochists, for whom the
pain, itself, is a turn-on and an end unto itself, most people
– men and women alike – are more able to endure higher
levels of a painful discipline because these people have the
act of discipline hard-wired to erotic pleasure or attraction.
Something about being spanked is arousing to them. In a
state of arousal certain hormones are released which are fairly
intoxicating. Even though the spanking hurts, the excitation
of the activity and the sexual tension it engenders sort of
balances out the pain effect creating a sublime
approach/avoidance loop. Most non-masochist spankos
will tell you they don’t like the swats, but when it stops for
awhile they miss them and want more. By the end of a
spanking that builds to a very heavy corporal session they
are usually sore and weary and ready to stop, but in a week
or two the memory of that pain is completely unrelatable.
They literally have no visceral association to how difficult
their torment was to endure. In other words, at the end of his
last spanking your husband probably regretted getting into
the preceding naughty predicament and told himself he
didn’t want to repeat this kind of penance, but in a few
weeks his body can’t even pretend to relate to how much it
hurt. Therefore, he is not incentivized anymore to behave.
In all of the cases in which I employed post-orgasm
punishment my spankos – all very high tolerance people –
reported great difficulty enduring the punishment from the
very start and could not withstand the full measure of
punishment they had previously received and tolerated
adequately and in its entirety.
Without those helpful pre-orgasmic hormones, it is MUCH
harder for someone to stay in that “zone” that the spanking
experience establishes. The encounter quickly turns to real
punishment. No more fun and games in any way. I think if
you try it the next time you get frustrated with your
husband’s recalcitrance, and you spank him as vigorously as
you usually do, it may open a new level of respect for your
On another note, each time you discipline your husband you
should be varying the techniques and the implements. If you
spank him the same way each time it becomes less effective
over time. The element of surprise is important in corrective
discipline. Anything that is a surprise to the system and
catches someone off guard inhibits their ability to protect
themselves from the “shock” and has the effect of making it
feel more intense. So I hope you use your creativity when
punishing your husband for his shenanigans.