Dear Ms Marwood,
Loved the advice from the first post, even if it was hard to read. Is spanking just something that should be used on consenting adults? Because as a mother of two I would love your views on spanking as discipline for kids? My husband and I are split on it. I was raised with spankings and I think I turned out fine.
This subject is very controversial and I’m kind of torn between yes and no, myself. Current wisdom seems to say that Corporal Discipline is child abuse. How do you teach a child not to resolve things by hitting people if you hit the child? That being said…. I cannot tell you the number of clients I have known who were spanked his children and feel that it benefited greatly. What they appreciated about it, is that it was a very clear cut, distinct message. Action equals consequence. AND… they were warned beforehand that if they committed a certain “crime” they’d be punished, and punishment meant a spanking. Emotion was kept out of it. In some cases, there were even a specific number of strokes for first offenses, more for 2nd or 3rd, etc. After the spanking was done, my clients reported, they felt better. They’d paid the price and the slate was wiped clean. If I were to condone corporal discipline for children this would be the way. Having said that, here’s a few caveats: Each child’s temperament must be considered. Some children are confident and secure, others are sensitive and/or insecure. I wouldn’t consider using spanking punishment for a shy or sensitive child. Also, if used, it should always be approached conservatively–in small doses, at first–and evaluated afterward as whether to continue with it. I would also insist that parents sit with their child afterward and discuss with him/her what his reactions and feelings are to the misbehavior and the punishment, what he’d learned, if anything; reinforce that it was done to teach him this lesson bc certain mischievous acts could get him into more serious trouble when outside his family. (I.e., it’s for his good and not because you are angry.) Never punish in anger. In fact, I’ve been told that parents who would make spanking appointments with their naughty kids would instill a memorable lesson. The added dread preceding punishment was almost worse than the spanking! I doubt if I’d have the heart to be a spanking parent, but, as you attest, I’ve met many adults who were spanked as children who respected this form of discipline and feel it was very good for them. My best suggestion would be, if all else fails, you could give it a shot. HM
Sorry the first post was hard to read. I’ll “speak” to Andy about it. This format should work best.