Dear Ms. Marwood – Wife or Pro?

marwood header

Dear Ms. Marwood,
Your advice is well thought out and informative. I’m a married man who has always fantasized about being spanked. How do I approach my wife about this? (We’ve been married eleven years.) I don’t want her think I’m strange. I don’t know how she’ll react truthfully. Or should I just seek out a pro like you?
Thanks, Nick

Dear Nick

Many people ask this question and, just as people have differing attitudes and personalities, there is no one definitive answer to how or when to try to confide in your wife about your interests. Not knowing your wife I can only pose a few questions, such as:  have you ever hinted at the subject and gotten some sort of reaction?  Then you’d at least have some data. Is your wife at all adventurous in the bedroom? That would give you room for encouragement. Have you tried to joke about this with her? E.g., perhaps by playfully saying  – if you ever do something that really displeases her – “You’re right. I should probably get a spanking for that and be sent to bed without supper.” And see what her response is.  If she looks at you, horrified, and runs screaming out of the room, at least you know there’s not much use in pursuing the matter. If she laughs, you might feel encouraged to make a few other playful suggestive comments. Always keeping it fun. After 2 or 3 you might come out and admit you’ve always been curious about spanking games.  But before taking that step, prepare yourself to be accepting of whatever her opinions about it are. You may desperately want her to surprise you and confess a secret longing for it, too.  But she has to feel that you are not going to judge her, no matter what she feels, just as you don’t want to be judged by her.

I would recommend, if you want to raise the odds of a good reaction, that you start finding ways of making your entire relationship with your wife enjoyable, pleasurable, and fun. If she feels you are trying to recognize what her needs are and trying to fulfill them, she will be more open to at least hear and consider yours. She may have no interest in spanking. Just as some people like tennis; some people hate tennis but love golf, you can’t fault people for what they like. But, as a woman, I can tell you that when I feel like a man cares about me and makes efforts to attend to my needs, I am far more open to whatever he may ask of me. Do you give her sweet little surprises, now and then? …Taking her out to a nice dinner or weekend getaway? Bringing something home because it made you think of her? Or do your part to help around the household? Thank her for things she does for you and the family? Perhaps, let her sleep late on a weekend and you entertain the kids… you get the idea. You’ll be making her feel loved and also accruing credit in the goodwill account. That will never hurt you.

I’d also suggest getting a copy of the book The Adult Spanking & Discipline Handbook by Gemma Forbes. There is whole chapter of many ideas for broaching the subject of spanking with your significant other. Above all, keep it light and fun, and if it doesn’t go the way you hope, still make her feel okay about it. If you can do that, there’s chance she may leave the door open a bit and that leaves at least a glimmer of hope for the future.

marwood archive tip

This entry was posted in Dear Ms. Marwood. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Dear Ms. Marwood – Wife or Pro?

  1. baxter says:

    I wish I had had Ms Marwood’s advice when I got married 33 years ago. I forget how I asked if she would spank me, but my wife said no and that I was a pervert. That surprised me but did not stop my fantasies. About 15 or so years ago, she asked to read one of my spanking fiction books and after reading most of a Fiona Locke book, she said she gets it. She asked if I wanted a spanking, I bent over the bed with my bare bottom and she took a belt to me. It was painful but that started us on the path of her spanking me once or twice a week and her actually offering her bottom for a spanking. Recently she told me she was stupid back early in our marriage when I asked about spanking and that we could have had a lot of fun with it. Oh well, better late than never.


  2. James says:

    I struggle with this pro versus wife question a lot. I enjoy having fun it with my wife, but there is a distinctly different dynamic, and I can get into a very different head space when it is done by someone with whom I have no emotional attachment. There’s a therapeutic aspect to it that is much trickier with my wife than with a pro.

  3. Mike Roberts says:

    A tough question indeed and there is really no wrong or right approach. To me, the love and passion for spanking is not an acquired taste and I have always thought it would be unfair to put that expectation or burden on my wife if she did not share my passion. I have been married for 18 years and at various times in my marriage I have hinted and joked about the subject but have not gotten a response from my wife that indicates ant interest. As a result, I have kept my interests private and have sought out other outlets for them.

  4. A.J. says:

    I’m with Mike on this one. It is not an acquired taste. Most likely you were born with it, with your hormones wired to your brain in what Ms. Marwood called the approach/avoidance loop.

    I differ with him on seeking “other outlets”. It sounds like a solution but it’s risky. Years ago a woman was asked what got her into spanking men. She said her husband hinted and hinted but it never connected with her. Then she found out he was seeing someone. Thinking it a prostitute she was totally devastated, unthinking unreasonable devastation. He tried to explain but she was reluctant. Finally he took his wife to the bedroom where he had stacked pillows on the center of the bed, stripped naked, grabbed a leather strap,and gave it to her as he got over the pillows, telling her to “give it” to him.

    She did. All the anger she had came out and she layed into him in a fury. And then she noticed he wasn’t avoiding her blows; he was actually rising up to meet them. And then she understood. The marriage lasted.

    Some years later her husband died. She thought there had to be others like him out there, also needing what he did and not having an outlet, so she got into the local scene and spanked or whipped any who needed it.

    It could be marriage roulette if your spouse is not like this woman.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s