Dear Ms. Marwood – It’s Just A Spanking

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Dear Ms. Marwood,

Please please tell your readers the difference between spanking and a whipping. I’m a single mom with two kids and I spank them when necessary. SPANK. Confined to bare bottom with hand or brush. I don’t break skin.
I wait until I’m calm. I explain to them why they are getting it. Then I spank them. It works.


Dear Pam,

Yes, there is a big difference between spanking and whipping.  Firstly, I would never condone whipping as anything other than fetish play for adult BDSM enthusiasts. It can be extremely painful, can leave marks, and tends to also elicit a strong emotional reaction that minors should not be subjected to.  The jury is out on the appropriateness of using spanking to discipline young children, but, as I have previously stated in this forum, I have met many, many very high functioning, successful, well-adjusted people whose mothers used spanking to discipline them in childhood who strongly believe it had benefited them. The important thing, as you say, is to never spank in anger and to always explain, calmly (even if sternly) why the child is being punished.  I am also a believer that if spanking is used regularly as discipline  there should ALWAYS be a warning stated that if the child does X,Y, or Z they will be punished, and the punishment will be a sound spanking.  In a spanking household, children should always know the threat they face for misbehaving—especially, if that threat is corporal discipline.  Also, as you expressed, a hand spanking is harmless.  It’s more of shock and humiliation than an abusive assault of any kind.  The hairbrush is another story. I consider a hairbrush spanking a serious escalation and I never use in my session without discussing it beforehand and making sure the client knows what he’s in for.  It is the equivalent of a thick, heavy paddle and, personally, I would not recommend using it on any small child.  A teenage boy, however, is a different case. But  all  CP should  be considered seriously and used responsibly when minors are involved.

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4 Responses to Dear Ms. Marwood – It’s Just A Spanking

  1. Mike Roberts says:

    I agree, there is a huge difference between a spanking and a whipping and that is true as part of parental or adult discipline. I think Pam details two important points- she spanks her children calmly and they are full aware of why they are being spanked. The “sting” of the spanking then serves to re-enforce those points. I love a similar dynamic as an adult and enjoy recreating those dynamics when I get spanked.

    My interest in spanking is “realism” based and as such I consider whipping outside my comfort or interest.

  2. James says:

    God I wish people would stop hitting kids. I carry around a ton of anger because of it. The kids I grew up with were extremely tough and violent because they were fearless once they got used to being hit enough.

    Once you start hitting someone, you’re 100 percent responsible for the results, and the results are out of your control. Duration, intensity, the recipient’s individual physical and psychological sensitivities all come into play. You’ll never know how the child processes it internally. I processed it as hateful, vicious act regardless if it was done calmly.

    As an adult, I’ve had my butt torn up (bruised and deep red for days) with a hairbrush despite not having skin breakage. I’ve also been whipped with a leather strap, and I can’t say that the brush was much kinder or gentler. It’s different. A hairbrush can be used viciously.

    You’ll know how it impacted them in 15 or 20 years. My Mom learned that it made me distant from her and that it led me to keep her at arm’s length. On the brighter side, I seem to obsess over reliving the trauma and that keeps me paying for the services of women like the lovely Ms. Marwood.

  3. A.J. says:

    TOTALLY against spanking kids. Ever.

    Only good advice I ever heard from one spanking mom was to do it one time, with a small paddle, do it early, and make it effective. Then put the paddle away where they knew it was kept, in her case, a kitchen drawer. Got problem, she’d get ‘that look’ and would simply say, “Do I need to get out the paddle?”, or simply get the paddle out and lay it on the counter. Instant stop-whatever-they-were-doing. She never had to spank them again.

    I’m still against it after my father took an 18″ long dowel to my bare butt for something so effing minor. I got about 10-12 of that stick in two doses for about 20-24 strikes with a short break in-between when he yelled at me. I was 5 1/2. Five. And a half.

    My father was ill for much of my life with him so I have almost zero memory of him. He died three years later. Guess what memory of him I DO HAVE of him?

  4. Anton Pelican says:

    I’d like to underline a very important matter, ignored by 99% of mothers, that the lovely, expert Ms.Marwood pointed out.
    The use of the brush as a seeming harmless implement, as opposed to the “brutal, vicious, fearful whip”.
    Matter of fact, despite the popular imagery, it’s just the brush that’s the lethal weapon, because of its stiffness and weight. The same goes for all the rigid implements, like paddles, wooden spoons, etc. They all cause damage to the deep tissues; when they strike, they seem to leave only a rosy imprint, but the impact is reaches to the inner tissues, causing serious bruising under the skin that often cannot be seen from the outside, while the whip, or any other flexible implement, like a leather belt, a tawse or especially a light singletail, may sting, leave raised welts, but only superficially, with no lasting consequences.
    I think those caring mommys should know that, and finally abandon their stupid fetish for the brush.

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