Dear Ms. Marwood:
Do you use safewords with your clients? I have encountered several professional disciplinarians who either will not use them or are very reluctant to use them. Many of them take this position (in particular) with “disciplinary” or “punishment” spankings on the theory that it is not true punishment if the recipient can decide when it ends. Despite the logic of that, it suggests that the disciplinarians consider consent to a spanking to be irrevocable once given, which is surprising. I would think that a client might want to stop a session because he decided it’s not what he wants and should have a means to do so.
Any so-called professional disciplinarian who refuses to consider a client’s strong wishes is not someone you want to be visiting. The “spankatorium” needs to be a safe space where clients can leave the “real world” at the door and step into another dimension where they can totally relax and let go. That’s impossible to do so if a part of one’s attention is worrying about one’s own comfort or safety. EVERYTHING in a session must be MUTUALLY consensual.
Having said that, yes, philosophically the “naughty brat” should have no say over his punishment. But, especially, if you are meeting with a disciplinarian for the very first time, there is no way either of you can know each other’s styles, needs, tendencies, reactions. A pro disciplinarian is by definition providing a SERVICE. She has a responsibility to the client to do everything she can to create a wonderful experience for him. I don’t mean to imply that the people you have described are not attempting to do that (although some care more than others). But if they don’t take the client’s expressed needs into consideration they’re not serving him.
Personally, it’s rare that I use a safe word in my sessions. My instincts and observational skills are so honed at this point that I can usually tell when and how to escalate (or not) but I tell anyone who brings it up that, if they feel the need for it, I’m not going to ever refuse them. Most decide to trust my judgment, which has proven pretty accurate. People report having a more exciting time when they don’t know what’s coming or how far things will escalate. But then, I do ask a ton of questions before I meet someone for the first time and I come in to a first time spanking armed with a lot of information. How else can you make sure that you go far enough without going too far? The only other way is to leave that up to the client and let him have a safe word. Yes, that does put him in control (which isn’t as much fun for the spanker! And possible even for the client, he may later find out.) but that is choice the client should be allowed to make for himself.