You have an interesting philosophy about spanking using spanking as a reward. Tell me more?
cI see spanking as something that spankos absolutely need in their lives. If they don’t get it, they obsess about how and when they will be able to fulfill that need. Sometimes spankos feel guilt for wanting to be spanked. When they do receive spankings it is often as punishment for misdeeds (whether real or made up for role play). My idea is that there is nothing wrong with getting a spanking. Why not use a spanking as a positive reward instead of negative reinforcement since it is what you really want anyway? Basically, what you desire (the discipline) is a reward for doing positive things to further your goals. Let’s say you want to stop smoking. Instead of punishing you for continuing to smoke, you would receive a positive spanking for achieving your goal of cutting down or stopping. The spanking is what you want, why should it be negative? I don’t think it should be. Let’s reinforce the good behavior and reward you with a compassionate loving spanking. I’m good at that.
How do you deal with people that mess up then?
Even when someone doesn’t achieve their goal, or blatantly doesn’t try, there are other ways to get a positive spanking. We can always revisit the goals and figure out why the plan set before didn’t work. A client can get a motivational spanking for the next attempt at goal setting and be encouraged to try again. Of course there are some spankos that want the punishment style of spanking for messing up and I can give that too with a long scolding.
You are a spanking life coach. My readers know this area fascinates me. What’s your background?
Educationally, I have BA in Criminal Justice, a Master of Social Work, and I am in an educational doctorate program. I have extensive mental health and therapeutic training from my MSW program. I have screwed up many times in my life and have gained benefit from individual therapy and counseling. I believe that using my education and my kink friendly attitude is a great way for spankos to get their lives back on track or focus on positive changes that uses the spanking that they want as a positive reward.
Spanking as an award….
Yes, I believe that you don’ t need to be naughty to earn a spanking. You can make positive changes that are rewarded by mutually agreed upon spankings. But then again, there are those that crave the naughty spankings and you bet your butt I can do that too. Also, I have a natural resting bitch face (RBF) and this really helps me seem stern or strict.
LOL. You haven’t been giving spankings long, right?
I am new to the business of doing this professionally, yes. I have been spanking over two years and I am a late comer but nonetheless a spanko at heart. I love the feeling of spanking someone who really needs or wants one because I see it as a way of nurturing.
What made you start?
A friend of mine, who is my spanking partner now, brought it up in casual conversation (I think a lot of spankos do this) to gauge my reaction. When I was open to it we decided to give it a try. He gave me a few pointers of things he specifically liked to hear and I did my best to incorporate that into my first go around. I think it is helpful if clients like certain phrases to communicate that before a session. That goes for dislikes as well. I don’t want to do something that may elicit bad memories or emotions. I want to give the best experience possible and I am always open to direction, whether it be implements, scolding or whatever one can think of to enhance the session. Of course I think it best to discuss prior to a session so one isn’t pulled out of the scene.
Do you remember the first spanking you gave?
Yes, it was a moment that I felt empowered yet honored that this person wanted and trusted me to spank him. I was nervous because I did not really know what I was doing, but he was aware of that. He loved what I did and the reaction that I got from him was very satisfying to me.
Did he ask you for it or did you say he needed it?
A little of both, he definitely needed it and we discussed me doing it for him. I had concern for my inexperience and he eased those fears and just suggested we give it a try. He absolutely loved it and I had never had someone respond to my touch with such a desire for more. I think that it was got me hooked, how my touch was intoxicating to someone who not only wanted it but needed it.
What are the benefits of a good spanking?
A good spanking can make you feel loved and cared for and understood. It can also be a wonderful way to let go and let someone else take over for a while. It can be cathartic and freeing. It also can help you think more clearly. I sometimes get a high from a good session when I feel that I have made a difference.
Do you think insurance should cover therapy spanking sessions?
Insurance covers play therapy for children so sure, why not spanking therapy for adults?
You grew up a spanko?
No, I grew up as a receiver of parental spankings that were often not deserved. In my teen years I had an interest in kinky things in general and was fascinated with fiction associated with kinks and fetishes.
So spanking didn’t float your boat back then?
I wasn’t turned on to spanking as a child. I know some spankos have felt this way as long as they can remember. I didn’t have butterflies knowing that my father was going to spank me. I feared him and I think that is a sad commonality of parents that spank children. In my teens it was something that I was curious about and but was too afraid to try.
So your childhood spankings influenced you?
Yes, I think that is why I never delved into spanking until I was forty. It had always been associated with a negative parental memory.
You don’t believe kids should be spanked?
NO! I am against spanking children and I speak from experience that it does not correct behavior in children, it instills fear. Children don’t have the mindset that adults do and can’t think abstractly about why they are being spanked. I think parents should redirect their children toward something positive if they are making mistakes or errors in judgment. Or in the least, discuss why what they were doing was inappropriate and offer suggestions to making a better decision in the future.
You are spanked occasionally?
Yes, I am. In my private life I am a switch. Just finished getting one, in fact.
Who has the honor of spanking you? One person or a few?
I have a spanking partner who understands my needs and I really just prefer for him to spank me. We have a wonderful emotional and physical connection and understand each other in ways that others don’t. Now, I have let a few strangers spank me at parties, but he is always with me at those.
What does it do for you?
I get satisfaction from giving my clients the motivation or punishment that they need. It may sound odd but I am a people pleaser and giving another spanko what they dream about and need really fulfills me. I also like to incorporate touch because I think touch is important to send a positive message and reinforce that the pain I am inflicting comes from the heart.
How tall are you?
I’m 5’7 and I weigh about 120.
Readers hate when I ask this so late but where are you located and how do we contact you?
I am located in Austin, TX and I can be contacted through my website contact form, found at http://www.positivelyspanking.com, through email firstname.lastname@example.org . I do not have an office yet so all sessions are outbound calls and the client has to provide the space. I am looking for an office space and will let you know as well as update my site when that happens. I have to be careful about where I choose to hang my shingle because some spankos can be quite noisy.
Say we come to see you what can we expect?
I like to start out each session by introducing myself and giving a hug. I mean, I am going to be touching you soon and I think a hug can put some fears to rest. If I don’t know what type of session the client wants, such a motivational goal setting session, a role play session, or a spanking just because, then I discuss that first.
Three distinct sessions?
I like doing all three, I don’t have a preference. Some folks like to be spanked because of guilt or misdeeds and they feel that nothing else can cleanse them except a punishment spanking. I can deliver on that type of spanking. No matter what type of spanking I am giving, I like to feel that I have a loving yet firm touch and care about the client’s mental well-being. After the type of session is agreed upon, I can do a number of things. It is like a choose your own ending book, every situation is different. I do like to end by discussing how things went and what we can cover in the next session. I also like to end the session with a hug as well.
Hugs are nice. Do you have a specific style of spanking? If there is such a thing?
I don’t know if there is such a thing of a style of spanking. There are types aside from the positive reinforcement or therapeutic spanking there is role play, strictly punishment, or sensual spankings. Note: I don’t do sensual spankings professionally.
Can you give a sound hand spanking?
Oh yes! Hand spanking is my favorite to do although I have to mix in implements or I can bruise my hand. It has happened before. I have had several clients state that I have given the hardest hand spanking they have ever received. I take pride in that. You will feel the sting after I have left for sure. My warm ups are not gentle.
Favorite implements and why?
I like using my hands first and foremost. I think that a hand spanking connotes intimacy and I like that. I like for my clients to feel like the person that is spanking them has a connection and really wants to improve behavior.
Aside from my hand, I like belting and caning because they are swift and stingy. I like the sound and the marks that both of them produce. I love paddles and brushes too. I like a variety of implements and some situations call for different types.
What’s your favorite part of the spanking?
My favorite part of the spanking is the squirming. Not too much, mind you, but just when you can tell that the limit has been reached. I always like to push it a little further when I think the client has reached the limit. I like seeing a warmed bottom as well. Warmed bottoms warm my heart.
What do your friends and family think of your new occupation?
My husband (who is vanilla) is very supportive and glad that I am putting my education to some use. He said that I should feel proud that I am providing a service that can be difficult for one to find. I tell my children I am an Adult Behavior Therapist. They don’t need to know what I am doing at this point. As for my parents and siblings, I have only told my twin sister (who is not a spanko) and she had a few safety concerns aside from not understanding why people would want this service. Otherwise, she was supportive. My parents are very judgmental and religious and I don’t feel like going down that road with them at this point. I have only told a few friends and most have been supportive but above that curious. I really don’t feel there should be shame or stigma attached to getting something that you need. In the grand scheme of things if you are a productive member of society and you liked your bottom spanked every now and then you are doing a hell of a lot better than most.
We could all use a good therapist. Would you (or have you) spank any of them?
Friends maybe, family, hell no.
I think we’ve covered everything?
Not everything. Are you ready for one of my spankings now, Andy?