Dear Ms. Marwood,
I know there is a sexual component to adult spanking. But I like to spank to let off some steam. I enjoy painting bottoms red. I’ll spank both adult boys and girls and not feel “turned on”. Not in that way. I have a few boys that want to be completely bare when I spank them. Is this “normal”? I guess it can be part of the humiliation? But isn’t just baring the bottom? Just seems like it’s more sexual that way? To be or not to be (nude) that is the question. I really want to hear your opinion.
My experience has been—as I’ve said about most issues people query—that different people have different reactions and preferences. My spankings are disciplinary, not erotic, so maybe that’s why I attract a lot of clients who don’t have an erotic component to their spanking fetish. It’s not about arousal for them. They may or may not get aroused at first in the session (but, if they do, I find that soon disappears once the spanking gets going!) or they may get aroused thinking about it before or after, but they really don’t want to include an erotic component in our play.
It would be impossible for me define what spanking is “about”. Spanking is many different things to many people. Lots of people find it an exciting part of foreplay, or some sort of sexual release. They are excited and aroused by spanking, and there are probably pro spankers who allow people some sort of gratification for that in a session. Most real disciplinarians do not. The most common anecdotal reports I’ve heard represent it as being intertwined with childhood memories, incidents and triggers. Something about those events create a positive association with the idea of being spanked and draw these people to repeat or replicate it. But I have lots of clients for whom that wasn’t the case at all, so who knows?
As far as naked vs. pants-pulled-down goes — Some people are insistent that they do not want to bare anything but their behind exposed. Other people like the heightened vulnerability of being stripped naked. There is no one way to do this. It’s a collaborative venture and everyone is entitled to his/her preferences, just as they are entitled to their limits and boundaries. If you are uncomfortable spanking people who are naked you are totally allowed to say so and to set that as rule for yourself. If you’re concerned that nudity could lead to your partner thinking they can get more sexual with you, you really need to establish those boundaries firmly and clearly BEFORE you agree to play with them.