I went a little overboard, which you all know I do at times, and asked a ton of questions. Very compelling woman and interview. Hope you all enjoy Ms. Ari.
Hi Ari! You found a love of spanking at a very early age, didn’t you?
Yes, I sure did. But it was something that I did suppress for a long while.
Is it true your mom walked in on you spanking all of your dolls?
Yes, that is completely true!
She didn’t think it was odd?
I think she thought it was more entertaining/adorable than anything else.
I agree with her. Were you spanked growing up?
I did not grow up in a house hold of spankings or any other corporal punishment method.
Do you think kids should be?
When it comes to children, I think it depends on the child. Not every kid is at the same cognitive or emotional level and it can be damaging if they are physically punished and they can’t comprehend why. They could start to believe that bad things happen to them no matter what they do and develop a victim mentality. (I won’t go into too much detail, even though I definitely could, lol). I’m not saying it shouldn’t be used as a tool; but I am saying it should never be done out of anger or revenge, and it should only occur if the child has the personality where it would benefit them. Just pay close attention to how it affects them.
Did you play any spanking games with your friends?
Actually, yes. I used to playfully spank some of my college roommates.
I was thinking when you were younger, but that’s more thrilling. Do you remember the first time you gave someone a spanking?
The first person I gave a REAL discipline spanking to happens to be my husband when we first met.
Sounds delish. What were the circumstances?
He used to have a very hard time managing his money properly. And by this time I’d been giving him budget instructions as a way of building our relationship to what it is now. And shortly after that, he knowing spent the money for his phone bill buying pornographic comics! That weekend I turned him over my knee and taught him that his actions have consequences.
And how it made you feel?
It made me feel like all was right with the universe 🙂 It felt like “Ooooh, so this is who I am.”
When did you know you wanted to use it in your professional life?
That was my husbands suggestion actually. Before I had a web presence, I had one recurring client that I saw on and off, so it wasn’t really for the money. However, I was in sales at the time (furniture sales, then car sales) and I HATED sales. I’m the main financial provider for my family so commission was a nice way to make money but when it started to cause depression and anxiety, my husband suggested I look for more clients so I could quit. And I did. So now I’m a Professional Disciplinarian / Writer.
Well we owe your hubby a big hand. Or do you use a big hand on him in your private life stilll? I mean, spankings are beneficial, right?
Yes, I do. My husband and I are in a Dominant/submissive relationship. He defers to me 24/7 and we do use spanking. He loves receiving a good spanking.
You had one recurring client. So you actually were offering spankings while working vanilla jobs?
Yes, I was. I was working 45 hours per week. And spanking regularly in my spare time.
Now I’m intrigued and ready to hop over your lap- where do you live and how we can contact you?
I’m always nervous when that door opens, how do you put someone at ease? What should we expect when we first meet you?
Well, I’ve been told that I am intimidating but I’ve also been told that I have a warm smile. I think that helps a lot of people to see that I’m not 100% stern business woman. Other than that, you should know that when you first arrive, we will spend some time talking to get us on the same page and so you know we are in this together. (Plus, soothing music in the background. I like music.) But at the end of the day, nervous is normal. After all, this is a nerve wracking/exciting/fulfilling adventure. Don’t feel bad for being nervous.
And you travel?
Yes, I do travel for an additional fee. And I’ll typically send out an email if I’m going to be in a different area so you can get a discount if I’m going to be in your town anyway.
You trained in psychology right?
Yes, at NCSU. I double majored in Psychology and Business Administration with the prospect of starting my own practice. However, life happened and instead of going for the Master’s degree that I would need, like I said, I went straight into sales full time. But I have no regrets!
Why do we crave spankings? Or is it a question for an abnormal psychologist? (halfway joking)
Spanking can be a relaxing, healing, and even purgatory experience. But it really depends on the person as to why they need it so much. The top two reasons tend to be: 1) You crave the feeling you get after a spanking. It is a very intense experience for you and afterwards, you feel like your mind is a spinning cocktail of hormones good vibes. Or: 2) You crave the feeling of being in that certain position; the one where someone else is in charge to lead you, direct you, and hold you accountable whether you like it or not!
Do you find more men seek it?
I definitely have more male clients than female ones, but it has been about 1 to 3 lately.
Have you found the experience to be the same for men and women or are we very different?
Actually I’ve found that men and women aren’t as different as we all would think when it comes to the actual session. After a session, my female clients tell me they feel cleansed/purged; whereas my male clients mostly will tell me they feel safe/submissive and of course aroused.
You offer couples training? What is that? Is it usually the male in trouble? Or do both get spanked?
I offer couples spanking session where both the male and the female get spanked. And I also offer sessions teaching one person how to effectively spank the other (usually teaching the ladies how to spank the gentlemen). I haven’t had a session yet where only one person was participating.
You also believe in holistic discipline. What is that exactly?
Holistic discipline means that I treat each person in relation to their whole self, those parts which are interconnected. I take into account personal, social, emotional, and mental factors; as well as past experiences to create an experience that is more effective than if I just used some script from erotica. For my clients seeking life coach sessions, this is very important. In order to train someone into a code of behavior, you have to look at them for all of who they are.
Does that mean that you don’t look at spanking as punishment?
Spanking is definitely a punishment… if you need it to be. For my husband for instance, he loves being spanked. I use it as a reward for him very often. And when he has been genuinely bad and needs some correction, He gets the cane (Because he can’t stand the cane). So it is a very effective punishment, even for someone that wants their bottom turned red for enjoyment purposes.
Should a session be fun then? Laughing, talking and spanking?
I certainly do sessions that way probably 50% of the time. During stress relief sessions mostly. It puts some people at ease to be able to chat with me throughout the session as if it’s nothing more than a haircut (Well, I guess just a little different than a haircut)
You are willing and able to unleash a sound spanking on a naked bottom?
Yes! Bare bottom is the way to go if you want to feel that sting for days afterward.
And I hear your arm is pretty tireless when doling out spanks?
That’s right. Your ass will get tired before my hand does; trust me.
I hear you can make a person squirm with just your bare hand? Is that a badge of honor in a way?
Hmm, I like to think of it as more of a superpower. I’d like to say that my years of experience spanking are what gave it to me, but more realistically, it’s probably all the cross fit!
Do you have a favorite implement?
My cane of course. Though I do love to use my spatula as well.
I’m guessing you enjoy otk best? Or am I projecting, because I do?
Yes, of course. Who doesn’t?
You offer spanking for stress relief, which is probably something we can all use, punishment and life coaching. How does each work?
Life coaching is the most in depth and requires a lot more communication about behaviors you need to change and setting plans and goals to see results; with spanking used as a tool of both reinforcement and punishment. Punishment sessions are simpler. A lot of my clients show up and confess a few transgressions, then are punished for them. Stress relief sessions are just that; there is not necessarily a “reason” that you “deserve” a spanking. You just want one from someone who is firm and skilled.
For life coaching is it a reinforcement tool? And is giving someone who craves spanking a spanking defeating the purpose?
It can be either! Like I said before, for someone that enjoys spanking, it can be used as a reward for good behavior/achieving a new goal. Or it can be altered enough that it is more intense and then seen as an effective punishment. And a spanking to someone that enjoys it, still reinforces the importance of the discussed issues. I actually wrote a whole post on it a few years ago over on my personal blog.
So you have a lot of success and goals realized with life coaching?
I’ve seen so many people use my services as part of a treatment plan to a better life. However, at the end of the day, what I provide is a luxury service after all. I make sure to tell my clients that while my goal is to see them succeed, I am not a licensed counseling practitioner. And I cannot guarantee that your behaviors will improve as a result of our session. It takes a lot of personal effort and determination to truly curb behaviors and ways of thinking.
Smoking, weight loss are probably big reasons people see you? Say I come to you because I’m just depressed or stressed or some other “essed” word, how would you proceed?
That’s just what my stress relief sessions are for! You don’t have to have a list of goals and resolutions to need a spanking. If you crave it, desire it, can’t live without it, then I’ll make you sore. No reasons necessary.
You don’t believe in safe words? Are you communicating throughout your session, are you reading our reactions?
That’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m watching your flinches, I’m listening to your breathing, the redness and heat of your skin, the tone in your voice as you answer a question that I ask. Every once in a while, I will check in and ask how you’re feeling. And if your kneeling in the corner for a few minutes and think that I’m not watching you… I am!
Are you very verbal? Do you lecture, scold?
I definitely scold! That being said, I would describe myself as more hands on than anything else. If there was a scale, then I suppose…. Medium verbal? I talk more for life coach sessions and less for stress relief ones with punishment sessions falling in the middle.
Are you stern?
I am a very stern and commanding, take charge type of woman. I am absolutely not a pushover and you can expect the session to remain in my control the entire time. However, I also do plenty of sessions where spankees are more comfortable with me being more relaxed as well.
Do you offer role play at all?
I can. Most often, I am “Miss Ari: Stern yet caring Disciplinarian”. Role play should be discussed beforehand so we are completely on the same page with your requests.
Aren’t the verbal cues just as important as the spanks? Isn’t spanking as an adult more emotional and mental than physical?
I agree. Spanking as an adult is a very emotional experience. Being over my lap puts you in a completely different head space than your daily life and it can be very fulfilling. But don’t underestimate the physical aspect! Proper intensity is key.
Do you employ any other punishments, spanking hands, feet, mouth soaping, writing lines?
I have done line writing, shoe worship, corner time, face slapping, and some forced exercise mostly. But I can accommodate requests.
What should we get out of a spanking? What are the benefits?
There are so many benefits to spanking. Similar to a massage, spanking can release pent up feelings and emotions and purge you from the weight of life. It will give you that feeling that someone is looking out for your well being and wanting you to succeed. And it can make you feel as though you are safely under the control of a powerful woman such as myself.
Do you need to spank hard enough to get an endorphin release?
Endorphin release is based on your perception of the session. It does not have to be hard to get that high that usually comes with a good session. But some need that overwhelming feeling of being spanked beyond their wits!
I feel “spank drunk” after a good warming up, how do you feel after giving a spanking? You must take great pleasure in seeing positive results in all of your clients?
Spanking gives me a feeling of satisfaction. I take a maternal/authoritative role in my sessions and it makes me feel great to bring you to the amazing heights of post spanking bliss. And to see you walk out 100 times happier than when you came in.
Is spanking for everyone? Could we all benefit from it?
Yes, when it comes to spanking, there’s something to gain for everyone. Your experience is probably going to be different than someone else’s, but that’s what makes spanking so fun.
Are you ever spanked? For the benefits, of course?
Not really. I have been spanked before but it was over a year ago, I think. I absolutely love being on the giving end of spanking. That’s what I benefit from!