Dear Ms. Marwood,
I just found out my husband went to a woman he found online for a spanking. I was shocked, of course. And I feel betrayed in a way. Is that considered cheating? You must spank your fair share of married men? Love your thoughts.
That is a fantastic question. I’m SO glad someone asked it!
It kind of makes me chuckle when I hear that a girlfriend or spouse has found out her man is seeing me and thinks, by doing so, that he’s “cheating”. In fact, I have suggested that he invite her to one of our sessions to see how far from the truth that is! (I don’t allow any “hanky pinky” in my sessions. No one touches anyone else’s private parts, OR their own! And it’s rare that and pro spanker would allow any of that. ) In my opinion, Spanking Roleplay Sessions are the least seductive genre of all bdsm activities. First of all—and I think this is true of most pro spankers—I have no designs on anyone’s husband. If anything, I have a maternal attitude toward the client. And, I will confess, I have a little ego involved. I take great pleasure when a client emerges from my little spanking parlour and pronounces, “That was the best spanking session I’ve ever had.” That’s the challenge that interests me. Not seeing if I can break up a happy home.There are many reasons men (and women) choose to see a professional spanker. I’ve been doing this for over a dozen years and I have not yet met one guy who utilized it as an avenue for infidelity.
But if you wonder why your husband kept this a secret, here are some reasons clients have shared regarding that: Some are afraid to tell anyone that they enjoy spanking. There can be a social stigma attached, or he fears his wife will ridicule him for enjoying an unconventional form of eroticism. (Note: In many cases, spanking doesn’t even have an erotic component for the enthusiast.) In other cases, a man feels his spouse would view him as weak or less masculine, or think he’s a “pervert”. There are even people who would simply rather not be spanked by their wives or girlfriends. They love and crave being spanked but it just doesn’t fit their view of the dynamic of their relationship and they’d feel weird about it. They’d rather enjoy it in a totally separate universe from “normal reality”. Then, again , of course, there are many, many men who have told me they long to express their spanking interests to their wives but, for whatever reason, they’ve come to the conclusion that they can’t and shouldn’t… or have tried, only to leave feeling humiliated and chastised. So don’t assume that his secrecy indicates a desire to cheat. If cheating was on the menu, he’d probably pick a very different avenue.
A lot of men just prefer to keep their fantasy lives separate and private unto themselves. There’s nothing wrong with that. So if you ladies stumble on the fact that hubby has engaged a professional disciplinarian, rather than rushing to judgment, how about just trying a little curiosity? Encourage him to share with you what excites him about what is, to you, a strange desire? Moreover, if you’re married to a spanko, you ladies could very likely make good use of that to get him to do almost anything you wanted to take on his little adventure and use it to “motivate”. How does having him do laundry and pick up after himself regularly sound for starters?!
I’m glad this question was posted. I’ve seen a number of professional spankers and there has never been any sort of sexual contact. In fact I typically seek out those that advertise that fact because I don’t even want to be offered that service. When I seek out a pro I want someone that is focused on administering a spanking and understands the mental aspects of adult punishment.
So far I have choosen not to share this aspect with my wife, for a number or reasons. However, Im don’t kid myself into thinking I’m so much smarter than her and she will never find out. If she does find out I want to be able to look her in the eye and tell her that aside from my bottom getting bruised there was a never a moment when there was anything sexual in nature that occured.
I enjoy you column and the topic.
I have been to seen several professional spankers (including a very long time ago Ms Marwood -who is really nice and sweet and a great Spanker – and virtually all of the well known “spankers” do not allow any sort (none, nada) sexual activity if any sort (including self touching). That is fine with me and I think most men who seek out there services. It is impossible for the vanilla women in our lives (at least the one in my life) to understand that while getting spanking sexually excites us – it is so beyond sex. The “release” I get from spanking comes from my mind and emotions not from the thing between my legs. Would I love to my wife to spank me? Yes, more then anything. Unfortunately she won’t. If she did would I like to incorporate sex with it? Yes, but only because it is her.
I’m confused. Who is Marcy and why is she posting a question on a spanking-oriented website?
If she is a wife who never spanks her husband (see ‘Steve’ above) why is she on this site?
Or, is she the wife who DOES spank and her husband who decided to use the services of a pro without her knowledge; and if so, why?